Sitting on the Bouncy Seat
The bouncy seat presents a unique set of challenges for me. I'm kind of a slouchy sitter and when I get tired, I get really slouchy. Well, the bouncy seat is pretty good for my slouchy sitting style, but it seems like I slowly drift to one side of the chair until I'm in nearly a horizontal position and am half dangling off the side. Yesterday was an extreme example of this. I drifted off until my head literally was hanging out past the side of the chair suspended over the floor. I looked sort of like this
...cccc
o--|--c
...../\
where the "o" is my head, the "c"s are the chair and the other items are my arms and legs.
Even more amazing is that despite how uncomfortable this looks, I was able to rest comfortably this way for awhile. My Daddy would prop me up to a more normal sitting position and I would slowly drift down again. We played this game for several times until he came up with the idea of erecting a wall to keep my head vertical. Ah.
Wednesday, February 27, 2002
Tuesday, February 26, 2002
Binary
My moods swing almost instantly from one end of the pole to the other. Yesterday after eating in the evening, I absolutely could not find a comfortable position. I didn't like being on my back, nor on my belly, nor on the swing, nor in the bouncy seat, nor in the crib, nor on the floor in the gymini. In short, I was an unhappy little guy. I like to express my unhappiness with ear popping banshee screams.
"Waah"
"Waah"
(Yes, we infants really do say "waah" with a harshness you can only imagine.)
My Daddy was in charge of amusing me tonight and he hit upon a sure fire solution. He put me in my infant carrier (a thing which attaches to the stroller and becomes a car seat). This made me extremely unhappy. I hate being confined.
"Waah"
Then he did something incredibly fun -- he took me outside and walked me up the stairs out to the parking area of where we live. Ah, the rhythmic thumping of being bounced up the stairs -- sweetness, harmony, perfection. He had not made it to the top before I fell asleep. I then slept peacefully for the next four hours.
Binary.
My moods swing almost instantly from one end of the pole to the other. Yesterday after eating in the evening, I absolutely could not find a comfortable position. I didn't like being on my back, nor on my belly, nor on the swing, nor in the bouncy seat, nor in the crib, nor on the floor in the gymini. In short, I was an unhappy little guy. I like to express my unhappiness with ear popping banshee screams.
"Waah"
"Waah"
(Yes, we infants really do say "waah" with a harshness you can only imagine.)
My Daddy was in charge of amusing me tonight and he hit upon a sure fire solution. He put me in my infant carrier (a thing which attaches to the stroller and becomes a car seat). This made me extremely unhappy. I hate being confined.
"Waah"
Then he did something incredibly fun -- he took me outside and walked me up the stairs out to the parking area of where we live. Ah, the rhythmic thumping of being bounced up the stairs -- sweetness, harmony, perfection. He had not made it to the top before I fell asleep. I then slept peacefully for the next four hours.
Binary.
Monday, February 25, 2002
It's been awhile since I posted to the blog. Mostly, this was due to my Daddy's being out of town and the difficulties I have working the keyboard alone. Well, he's back to help, so I'm back online. First, a little business. My good friends at Yahoo managed to screw up my web settings in making an "improvement" to geocities. As a result, my guestbook was completely wiped out. Feel free to put in new entries so it doesn't look so bare.
While my Daddy was away, I continue to just coast along smoothly through life. My Mommy has hit upon a new and improved night feeding schedule. This entails making sure that leading up to the wee hours, I have a surfeit of food. Fortified with many ccs of food, I am able to go up to five happy hours through the night without waking. This seems to work well for both of us.
Over the weekend, I went on a couple of walks. One was to the Arastradero nature preserve. Here I saw several people riding on horsies. I even got to pet one of the horsies. I also saw a northern harrier. This was pretty amazing. We were walking through the woods when up above us we heard a whirring of wings and then straight along the path in front of us this bird came swooping down low. We had to duck to get out of the way.
I also saw my first Monarch Butterfly. My Mommy claims that I am overstating the number of things I "see" in that I spend most of the time on my walks by sleeping. It is pretty hard to see when your eyes are closed. In any event, the monarch was a genuine sighting. I was awake and my daddy positioned my face about 6 inches from the butterfly, which has landed on a yellow flower. I liked the butterfly --it was very pretty.
While my Daddy was away, I continue to just coast along smoothly through life. My Mommy has hit upon a new and improved night feeding schedule. This entails making sure that leading up to the wee hours, I have a surfeit of food. Fortified with many ccs of food, I am able to go up to five happy hours through the night without waking. This seems to work well for both of us.
Over the weekend, I went on a couple of walks. One was to the Arastradero nature preserve. Here I saw several people riding on horsies. I even got to pet one of the horsies. I also saw a northern harrier. This was pretty amazing. We were walking through the woods when up above us we heard a whirring of wings and then straight along the path in front of us this bird came swooping down low. We had to duck to get out of the way.
I also saw my first Monarch Butterfly. My Mommy claims that I am overstating the number of things I "see" in that I spend most of the time on my walks by sleeping. It is pretty hard to see when your eyes are closed. In any event, the monarch was a genuine sighting. I was awake and my daddy positioned my face about 6 inches from the butterfly, which has landed on a yellow flower. I liked the butterfly --it was very pretty.
Monday, February 18, 2002
I've uploaded a couple of new photos to my website. You'll find them in the February 2002 folder. In addition, my Daddy uploaded some photos he took at Bayfront Park, which is a salt flat abutting the bay. They can be found at here under the subfolder Bayfront Park.
My Daddy likes to live in airplanes, so he is going to fly around the country for the next several days. He'll by in NYC trying to get a job at NYU starting tonight through Thursday morning. Then he is flying to Rochester and will be there trying to get a job on Thursday and Friday. Finally, he's going to help Canadian generic drug manufacturers defeat the evil big brands by going to a meeting in Toronto on Saturday. He flies back to San Francisco on Sunday. I'll miss him. I also might not say to much in my weblog since he's a big help with the typing.
My Daddy likes to live in airplanes, so he is going to fly around the country for the next several days. He'll by in NYC trying to get a job at NYU starting tonight through Thursday morning. Then he is flying to Rochester and will be there trying to get a job on Thursday and Friday. Finally, he's going to help Canadian generic drug manufacturers defeat the evil big brands by going to a meeting in Toronto on Saturday. He flies back to San Francisco on Sunday. I'll miss him. I also might not say to much in my weblog since he's a big help with the typing.
Rainy Days and Mondays
It was a dreary weekend weather-wise. Most of both days it was either raining or threatening to rain, and this made it difficult for me to get out too much. I did manage a couple of walks though. One was a nighttime walk on Saturday. This required that I get more bundled up than I ever have been in my life. My Mommy does not want me to feel the chill air, so many layers of clothing were stacked on me. My Daddy dressed in a couple of layers too but complained of being hot as the walk progressed. Night is quite interesting – for one thing, the sky is dark and there are little white dots in the sky that sort of shine. I also saw a sliver of white off in the distance – the sliver of the moon heading to its new moon phase. This was the first time that I had seen the moon. Goodnight moon.
During the next day, my Mommy went out on errands so my Daddy was left to watch me. This went well until he decided to try to give me a bath. While I didn’t disagree that a bath would be a good idea, my Daddy’s bathing skills leave much to be desired. He could only find one towel and he neglected to remove my socks when he put me in my baby tub. I let him know in no uncertain terms that this is simply not the way things are to be done as far as bathing me.
“Waaaaaaah,” I let loose my most blood-curdling banshee scream.
This resulted in an abrupt end to the bath and a quick retreat to what was initially a comfy towel—though growing less comfy by the minute owing to my drying off in it. Later that afternoon, he had a new idea, if I won’t come to the bath, let the bath come to me. More precisely, we went for a walk and during the last bit of it water – bath water – started falling from the sky. While I didn’t get very clean from this sky water, I did enjoy the smells of humidity and moist soil and the sound of the sky water falling on the leaves of the trees and bushes. I saw a very damp jay huddling unsuccessfully under a bush. I myself was mostly dry thanks to my Daddy’s huddling over me as a human umbrella and thanks to my many layers of clothing.
It was a dreary weekend weather-wise. Most of both days it was either raining or threatening to rain, and this made it difficult for me to get out too much. I did manage a couple of walks though. One was a nighttime walk on Saturday. This required that I get more bundled up than I ever have been in my life. My Mommy does not want me to feel the chill air, so many layers of clothing were stacked on me. My Daddy dressed in a couple of layers too but complained of being hot as the walk progressed. Night is quite interesting – for one thing, the sky is dark and there are little white dots in the sky that sort of shine. I also saw a sliver of white off in the distance – the sliver of the moon heading to its new moon phase. This was the first time that I had seen the moon. Goodnight moon.
During the next day, my Mommy went out on errands so my Daddy was left to watch me. This went well until he decided to try to give me a bath. While I didn’t disagree that a bath would be a good idea, my Daddy’s bathing skills leave much to be desired. He could only find one towel and he neglected to remove my socks when he put me in my baby tub. I let him know in no uncertain terms that this is simply not the way things are to be done as far as bathing me.
“Waaaaaaah,” I let loose my most blood-curdling banshee scream.
This resulted in an abrupt end to the bath and a quick retreat to what was initially a comfy towel—though growing less comfy by the minute owing to my drying off in it. Later that afternoon, he had a new idea, if I won’t come to the bath, let the bath come to me. More precisely, we went for a walk and during the last bit of it water – bath water – started falling from the sky. While I didn’t get very clean from this sky water, I did enjoy the smells of humidity and moist soil and the sound of the sky water falling on the leaves of the trees and bushes. I saw a very damp jay huddling unsuccessfully under a bush. I myself was mostly dry thanks to my Daddy’s huddling over me as a human umbrella and thanks to my many layers of clothing.
Friday, February 15, 2002
The Joys of the Baby Bjorn
Sometimes I get a bit fussy always being in the same two or three locations. While those locations do provide hours of fascination and enjoyment, sometimes a boy needs a change of pace. For me, the best is when I get to ride around with my Daddy in the Baby Bjorn. The Baby Bjorn is a frontpack (kind of the opposite of a backpack). I get to sit up pressed next to my Daddy's chest and look out over the sides at the bouncy world. Of course, all this bounciness often makes me sleepy -- yawn.
It's supposed to rain here for the next couple of days, so I was determined to get outside. I started my outdoor campaign by the middle of the afternoon, so the my Mommy would be only to happy to have my Daddy and I out of the house and out of her hair. My Daddy came home and we were both on the same wavelength -- a walk was definitely in order. I bundled up in my outdoor clothes, a big fleecy Baby Gap hooded sweatshirt. In addition to the nice insulative qualities of this piece of clothing, it is also expandable, from the size of it I should have it until I'm a teenager. After fumbling around with the sleeves in search of my arms, we were off.
Sometimes I'm like a light switch, on and off. The minute a smelled the earthy smell of the outdoors and felt the cool breeze on my cheek, I quieted down and started to enjoy the scenery. I saw many interesting things on this walk: a motorcycle cop pulling over a hapless motorist just outside my house. The cop had big shiny boots, which fascinated me. As we went tromping through the woods, I got a big sloppy kiss from a sheepdog. Actually, the Baby Bjorn got the kiss since I'm pretty inaccessible when I'm "driving" in there. The sheepdog and his owner seemed very friendly and asked how old I was. I let my Daddy tell them since I was mostly asleep. I saw my first full sized poodle as well. He ran around us in happy circles as we walked, but he never wanted to stop to be petted. We also saw a big furry gray cat that went darting behind a concrete retaining wall when we approached. I loved my walk and was sad to see it end.
Sometimes I get a bit fussy always being in the same two or three locations. While those locations do provide hours of fascination and enjoyment, sometimes a boy needs a change of pace. For me, the best is when I get to ride around with my Daddy in the Baby Bjorn. The Baby Bjorn is a frontpack (kind of the opposite of a backpack). I get to sit up pressed next to my Daddy's chest and look out over the sides at the bouncy world. Of course, all this bounciness often makes me sleepy -- yawn.
It's supposed to rain here for the next couple of days, so I was determined to get outside. I started my outdoor campaign by the middle of the afternoon, so the my Mommy would be only to happy to have my Daddy and I out of the house and out of her hair. My Daddy came home and we were both on the same wavelength -- a walk was definitely in order. I bundled up in my outdoor clothes, a big fleecy Baby Gap hooded sweatshirt. In addition to the nice insulative qualities of this piece of clothing, it is also expandable, from the size of it I should have it until I'm a teenager. After fumbling around with the sleeves in search of my arms, we were off.
Sometimes I'm like a light switch, on and off. The minute a smelled the earthy smell of the outdoors and felt the cool breeze on my cheek, I quieted down and started to enjoy the scenery. I saw many interesting things on this walk: a motorcycle cop pulling over a hapless motorist just outside my house. The cop had big shiny boots, which fascinated me. As we went tromping through the woods, I got a big sloppy kiss from a sheepdog. Actually, the Baby Bjorn got the kiss since I'm pretty inaccessible when I'm "driving" in there. The sheepdog and his owner seemed very friendly and asked how old I was. I let my Daddy tell them since I was mostly asleep. I saw my first full sized poodle as well. He ran around us in happy circles as we walked, but he never wanted to stop to be petted. We also saw a big furry gray cat that went darting behind a concrete retaining wall when we approached. I loved my walk and was sad to see it end.
Wednesday, February 13, 2002
Not much to report yesterday. I'm feeling much better compared to Monday and am back to being my usual serene self. I had a bath yesterday, which I really needed since the residue from the milk, particularly the milk laced with vitamins, works its way into the little creases in my neck and gives me a delightful earthy perfumy scent. Eau de latte I call it. While initially I didn't much like baths, I'm now starting to warm to them and reather enjoyed splashing around for a bit. I had on an especially cute outfit yesterday, footie pajamas where the tops of the feet had floppy rabbit ears and bunny faces. Licorice did a double take mistaking me for twin baby bunnies.
Tuesday, February 12, 2002
Gaseous Planets
I was not a happy guy for much of yesterday, and I think it’s mostly my Mommy’s fault. Yesterday morning I slept peacefully and was my usual perfectly behaved self. By the afternoon, however, I was feeling irritable and out of sorts. I could only manage a few minutes of sleep at a time before becoming grouchy and irritable. Both my parents were a little worried about this abrupt change in my behavior. By the evening, it was obvious the cause of my discomfort – a bad case of gas. Unfortunately, there is no Gas-X or other way to alleviate this condition, so I just had to kind of suffer through it, but I let my parents know that I was not happy about the situation. Now, as to the cause of this, I have two theories:
Theory 1 – The Burrito Hypothesis
While shopping for yet more goodies for me, my Mommy stopped off at the Buena Burriteria for a lovely burrito. My theory is that the impact of the assorted Mexican spices and pinto beans in her milk was anything but buena for me. I think it should be called the mala burriteria.
Theory 2 – The Three Musketeers Hypothesis
After the burrito, my Mommy came home and had a 3 Musketeers bar. For my sake, she’s been staying away from chocolate since the hospital stressed the problems of gassiness this could cause for me. Well, the temptation proved irresistible (I know how that can be). It felt like Porthos, Athos, and whatever the third guy’s name is were having a swordfight inside my tummy. Or more accurately, were discharging considerable musketry. Yikes.
By midnight I had more or less settled down, and I’m feeling much better this morning. There’s a lesson here somewhere.
I was not a happy guy for much of yesterday, and I think it’s mostly my Mommy’s fault. Yesterday morning I slept peacefully and was my usual perfectly behaved self. By the afternoon, however, I was feeling irritable and out of sorts. I could only manage a few minutes of sleep at a time before becoming grouchy and irritable. Both my parents were a little worried about this abrupt change in my behavior. By the evening, it was obvious the cause of my discomfort – a bad case of gas. Unfortunately, there is no Gas-X or other way to alleviate this condition, so I just had to kind of suffer through it, but I let my parents know that I was not happy about the situation. Now, as to the cause of this, I have two theories:
Theory 1 – The Burrito Hypothesis
While shopping for yet more goodies for me, my Mommy stopped off at the Buena Burriteria for a lovely burrito. My theory is that the impact of the assorted Mexican spices and pinto beans in her milk was anything but buena for me. I think it should be called the mala burriteria.
Theory 2 – The Three Musketeers Hypothesis
After the burrito, my Mommy came home and had a 3 Musketeers bar. For my sake, she’s been staying away from chocolate since the hospital stressed the problems of gassiness this could cause for me. Well, the temptation proved irresistible (I know how that can be). It felt like Porthos, Athos, and whatever the third guy’s name is were having a swordfight inside my tummy. Or more accurately, were discharging considerable musketry. Yikes.
By midnight I had more or less settled down, and I’m feeling much better this morning. There’s a lesson here somewhere.
Monday, February 11, 2002
I've posted a whole bunch of new photos to my website. They show me playing with one of my favorite toys, something called a Gymini, as well as shots from my walk to the dish.
Weekend Outings
It was a busy weekend for me as I got to make my first two extended outings of my life. My father has been lobbying for the last week or so to put me in an infant carrier and take me out on some walks. Really, they’re only walks for him, for me they’re rides. Well, he finally prevailed upon my Mommy to take me out on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon for a test walk. Everyone wondered how I would behave in the great outdoors. Well, I was on my most perfect behavior, mainly because all of the light breezes and sunshine, the gentle rocking of each of my Daddy’s strides, the cheeping of the birds is all quite soporific. I managed to stay awake for about the first five minutes of the journey – long enough to see some trees and birds – and then fell asleep for the rest of the trip.
Heartened by the success of this outing, my Daddy had bigger and better things planned for Sunday. It was predicted to be 70 degrees and gorgeous and it was indeed. Since we were going on a longer outing, I ate a hearty breakfast of 130ccs of milk, got a fresh diaper, and was eager to be on my way. For this journey, we climbed to the top of the foothills overlooking the Stanford campus, an elevation gain of about 1000 feet. At the top of the hill was a big satellite dish used for all sorts of scientific endeavors at Stanford. It was huge!
I got to see lots of things for the first time on this trip. We saw some groundhogs watching us as we strode by. I got to pet my first cow, a sweet brown animal that was grazing in a field near the satellite dish. I also got to see many pretty mountains and gaze out at the bay. It was really pretty. Well, actually I did less gazing and more sleeping. I managed to stay awake for about the first fifteen minutes of a two hour hike, but then slept for the rest of the journey. When I came home, my Daddy and I sat out on the porch in the sun and had a lovely open air lunch together. I had my favorite food – milk.
I thought I’d give my parents a break over the weekend by actually sleeping at night. Instead, I like to be awake from the late afternoon into the early evening. They seem to like this arrangement much better and, since it gets dark early, I still get to satisfy my craving for the night life by being awake then.
For my 4am feedings, my Daddy and I like to watch movies. The trick is to choose a movie that is visually interesting and that you’ve seen many times, so continuity is not important. Our first movie together, Traffic, is supposed to teach me to just say no to drugs (or to teach me Spanish, I’m not sure which.) I really like Steven Soderburgh’s use of color filters. I’m a big primary color guy myself. Now we’re watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I’m quite taken by the haunting score and I’m working on my Mandarin phonemes.
It was a busy weekend for me as I got to make my first two extended outings of my life. My father has been lobbying for the last week or so to put me in an infant carrier and take me out on some walks. Really, they’re only walks for him, for me they’re rides. Well, he finally prevailed upon my Mommy to take me out on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon for a test walk. Everyone wondered how I would behave in the great outdoors. Well, I was on my most perfect behavior, mainly because all of the light breezes and sunshine, the gentle rocking of each of my Daddy’s strides, the cheeping of the birds is all quite soporific. I managed to stay awake for about the first five minutes of the journey – long enough to see some trees and birds – and then fell asleep for the rest of the trip.
Heartened by the success of this outing, my Daddy had bigger and better things planned for Sunday. It was predicted to be 70 degrees and gorgeous and it was indeed. Since we were going on a longer outing, I ate a hearty breakfast of 130ccs of milk, got a fresh diaper, and was eager to be on my way. For this journey, we climbed to the top of the foothills overlooking the Stanford campus, an elevation gain of about 1000 feet. At the top of the hill was a big satellite dish used for all sorts of scientific endeavors at Stanford. It was huge!
I got to see lots of things for the first time on this trip. We saw some groundhogs watching us as we strode by. I got to pet my first cow, a sweet brown animal that was grazing in a field near the satellite dish. I also got to see many pretty mountains and gaze out at the bay. It was really pretty. Well, actually I did less gazing and more sleeping. I managed to stay awake for about the first fifteen minutes of a two hour hike, but then slept for the rest of the journey. When I came home, my Daddy and I sat out on the porch in the sun and had a lovely open air lunch together. I had my favorite food – milk.
I thought I’d give my parents a break over the weekend by actually sleeping at night. Instead, I like to be awake from the late afternoon into the early evening. They seem to like this arrangement much better and, since it gets dark early, I still get to satisfy my craving for the night life by being awake then.
For my 4am feedings, my Daddy and I like to watch movies. The trick is to choose a movie that is visually interesting and that you’ve seen many times, so continuity is not important. Our first movie together, Traffic, is supposed to teach me to just say no to drugs (or to teach me Spanish, I’m not sure which.) I really like Steven Soderburgh’s use of color filters. I’m a big primary color guy myself. Now we’re watching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I’m quite taken by the haunting score and I’m working on my Mandarin phonemes.
Saturday, February 09, 2002
Well, I've completely settled into a routine now. Unfortunately for my mother and father, the routine entials my being my usual awake and playful self all during the best hours of the day -- from 11pm until around 8am -- and then sleeping through the boring parts of the day. There's nothing like sunlight and many noises to put a little boy like me to sleep.
I continue to gain weight and eat like a demon (or a vampire to be more precise since I get little lines of milk running donw each corner of my mouth.) It looks like a beautiful day today, so I'll probably go for a walk,
I continue to gain weight and eat like a demon (or a vampire to be more precise since I get little lines of milk running donw each corner of my mouth.) It looks like a beautiful day today, so I'll probably go for a walk,
Wednesday, February 06, 2002
Night Feeding
Blackness all around. No light at all. In the background, the white noise of the fan swirls and eddies with the rhythm of my mother’s breathing, providing a kind of foundation for her breaths. She pauses, sets herself again, and starts a new riff. This one louder, more deeply felt, more insistent. I struggle to find a comfortable position, moving side to side. It’s not easy for me. I have to work hard to move at all. Moving is difficult. I strain, I arch my back, I stretch my arms outward into the darkness until I can no longer see them. I struggle to find a comfortable position.
I add my voice to the song, to the bass line of the fan and the insistent tempo set by my mother’s breathing.
“Eeep,” I cry out in the darkness.
“Eeep,” I add my soprano voice soaring above the rhythm section.
I am the soloist. I am a trumpet player weaving a brassy and dangerous line high above the rhythm section, trying the very top of my range. I’m Ella Fitzgerald, scatting my way around the swirl of rhythms below. I’m floating on a little raft of my own making coursing along the waters of the night sounds.
I’m ad libbing. I don’t know where this is all going. I’m on a tightrope with no net below, a tiny flying Wallenda. The rhythm section follows along, sustaining my line, following the random course I’m setting. A random walk, where the next note is just as likely to be higher as it is lower. Or a random walk with drift, only the drift is in volume. I’m starting to feel my voice now, to warm my chops. I’m drifting from piano to forte. I’m drifting from largo to presto. The path itself is uncertain with many switchbacks and rests along the way, but I’m feeling, I’m getting the drift.
I can hear my own heart beating in the background, creating a counterpoint, a syncopation, with the rest of the rhythm section.
“Eeep.”
Maybe it’s not that I’m adding my voice to the song, to my mother’s rhythmic breathing. To the inhale-exhale-inhale inexorability of my mother’s breathing. Maybe it’s echolocation, like bats do. It’s dark in here, much too dark for me to see in struggling to find a comfortable position. Maybe I can echolocate, use my voice to find boundaries, to define perimeters, to find comfort.
Maybe I can hear the vibrations bounce off the sides of my bassinet, bounce off the gentle breathing of my mother, swirl around in a kind of Gaussian blur in the complex vortices of the fan. Maybe that’s what I can do.
“Eeep.”
I’m hungry now. I wasn’t sure before, but now I’m definitely hungry. I’ve echo located off myself, self-echolocation. My sonic blasts bounce inside as well as out and come back amplified. They bounce around the echo chamber of my empty stomach and come back amplified. I’m hungry.
“Aaah”
A louder and more sustained blast just to be sure. Distantly it comes back from all parts of the darkened room, but this is a slow freight train compared to the express train delivering the message from my stomach. Pony express compared to the jangled vectors and bit of information coursing along at light speed over the information superhighway.
“AAAAAAH,” the stomach message hits the reply key.
I’m definitely hungry.
Blackness all around. No light at all. In the background, the white noise of the fan swirls and eddies with the rhythm of my mother’s breathing, providing a kind of foundation for her breaths. She pauses, sets herself again, and starts a new riff. This one louder, more deeply felt, more insistent. I struggle to find a comfortable position, moving side to side. It’s not easy for me. I have to work hard to move at all. Moving is difficult. I strain, I arch my back, I stretch my arms outward into the darkness until I can no longer see them. I struggle to find a comfortable position.
I add my voice to the song, to the bass line of the fan and the insistent tempo set by my mother’s breathing.
“Eeep,” I cry out in the darkness.
“Eeep,” I add my soprano voice soaring above the rhythm section.
I am the soloist. I am a trumpet player weaving a brassy and dangerous line high above the rhythm section, trying the very top of my range. I’m Ella Fitzgerald, scatting my way around the swirl of rhythms below. I’m floating on a little raft of my own making coursing along the waters of the night sounds.
I’m ad libbing. I don’t know where this is all going. I’m on a tightrope with no net below, a tiny flying Wallenda. The rhythm section follows along, sustaining my line, following the random course I’m setting. A random walk, where the next note is just as likely to be higher as it is lower. Or a random walk with drift, only the drift is in volume. I’m starting to feel my voice now, to warm my chops. I’m drifting from piano to forte. I’m drifting from largo to presto. The path itself is uncertain with many switchbacks and rests along the way, but I’m feeling, I’m getting the drift.
I can hear my own heart beating in the background, creating a counterpoint, a syncopation, with the rest of the rhythm section.
“Eeep.”
Maybe it’s not that I’m adding my voice to the song, to my mother’s rhythmic breathing. To the inhale-exhale-inhale inexorability of my mother’s breathing. Maybe it’s echolocation, like bats do. It’s dark in here, much too dark for me to see in struggling to find a comfortable position. Maybe I can echolocate, use my voice to find boundaries, to define perimeters, to find comfort.
Maybe I can hear the vibrations bounce off the sides of my bassinet, bounce off the gentle breathing of my mother, swirl around in a kind of Gaussian blur in the complex vortices of the fan. Maybe that’s what I can do.
“Eeep.”
I’m hungry now. I wasn’t sure before, but now I’m definitely hungry. I’ve echo located off myself, self-echolocation. My sonic blasts bounce inside as well as out and come back amplified. They bounce around the echo chamber of my empty stomach and come back amplified. I’m hungry.
“Aaah”
A louder and more sustained blast just to be sure. Distantly it comes back from all parts of the darkened room, but this is a slow freight train compared to the express train delivering the message from my stomach. Pony express compared to the jangled vectors and bit of information coursing along at light speed over the information superhighway.
“AAAAAAH,” the stomach message hits the reply key.
I’m definitely hungry.
Tuesday, February 05, 2002
Hamster
The good news is that I'm increasingly awake these last few days. I like to look around and see my world. I also really love swinging in my swings. The little one is better for me right now than the big one due to the difficulty of keeping my head erect. The bad news is that much of my wakefulness is at night. Yes, like my cute furry friend the hamster, I've decided that nocturnal is the way to go!
I've posted some more photos on my website. These are in the folder "Homecoming" and show my last few hours in the hospital before coming home. I'm in my Baa Baa Little Sheep outfit, which received rave reviews. I'm a little clotheshorse -- er -- clothessheep.
The good news is that I'm increasingly awake these last few days. I like to look around and see my world. I also really love swinging in my swings. The little one is better for me right now than the big one due to the difficulty of keeping my head erect. The bad news is that much of my wakefulness is at night. Yes, like my cute furry friend the hamster, I've decided that nocturnal is the way to go!
I've posted some more photos on my website. These are in the folder "Homecoming" and show my last few hours in the hospital before coming home. I'm in my Baa Baa Little Sheep outfit, which received rave reviews. I'm a little clotheshorse -- er -- clothessheep.
Monday, February 04, 2002
Remington Steele -- er -- Fong
Today I had my first trip to visit my pediatrician, Remington Fong. Doctor Fong is an incredibly nice person and, unlike most doctors, relatively on time in his schedule. He gave me a clean bill of health. I continue to grow and gain weight. I'm now 19.75 inches long and weigh 7 pounds 12 ounces. Both are up significantly since my previous weigh-in last Friday. He also did a preemie adjusted correction for my height and weight percentiles. Weight wise, I am quite brawny coming in at the 75th percentile. I'm of average height coming in at the 50th percentile. My father was disappointed by the height news since he wants me to grow up to be Shaq. If you don't adjust, I'm still a pretty tiny guy for a one month old -- I'm at the 10th percentile in weight and the 5th percentile in height unadjusted.
I would imagine Doctor Fong took a lot of kidding in his childhood. After all, the only other Remington I've heard of is the fictional TV detective played by Pierce Brosnan, Remington Steele.
I got to watch my first major sporting event yesterday -- a tremendous Super Bowl matchup between the Rams and the Patriots. Seems only fitting in a season where the American flag is displayed so prominently around the country that the Patriots should pull off the stunning upset. I was riveted through the whole game.
On Sunday, I did my best Bellagio impression to date. Circumcision seems to improve the force and variety of the water ballet I'm capable of. If only I had a nice musical accompaniment.
So far, I'm a night owl. I like to stay up late and eat much more after dark than during the day. Happily, my parents also love this lifestyle too!
I've posted a new batch of photos on my website. They are under the February 2002 folder and are exceptionally cute, if I do say so myself. Some of you have asked about hard copies of my greatest hits. Well, my good friends at Yahoo will sell them to you if you click "Buy Photo" when viewing a picture that you like. To do this, however, you have to sign up for a Yahoo account which will then let you buy photos effortlessly (but not costlessly).
Today I had my first trip to visit my pediatrician, Remington Fong. Doctor Fong is an incredibly nice person and, unlike most doctors, relatively on time in his schedule. He gave me a clean bill of health. I continue to grow and gain weight. I'm now 19.75 inches long and weigh 7 pounds 12 ounces. Both are up significantly since my previous weigh-in last Friday. He also did a preemie adjusted correction for my height and weight percentiles. Weight wise, I am quite brawny coming in at the 75th percentile. I'm of average height coming in at the 50th percentile. My father was disappointed by the height news since he wants me to grow up to be Shaq. If you don't adjust, I'm still a pretty tiny guy for a one month old -- I'm at the 10th percentile in weight and the 5th percentile in height unadjusted.
I would imagine Doctor Fong took a lot of kidding in his childhood. After all, the only other Remington I've heard of is the fictional TV detective played by Pierce Brosnan, Remington Steele.
I got to watch my first major sporting event yesterday -- a tremendous Super Bowl matchup between the Rams and the Patriots. Seems only fitting in a season where the American flag is displayed so prominently around the country that the Patriots should pull off the stunning upset. I was riveted through the whole game.
On Sunday, I did my best Bellagio impression to date. Circumcision seems to improve the force and variety of the water ballet I'm capable of. If only I had a nice musical accompaniment.
So far, I'm a night owl. I like to stay up late and eat much more after dark than during the day. Happily, my parents also love this lifestyle too!
I've posted a new batch of photos on my website. They are under the February 2002 folder and are exceptionally cute, if I do say so myself. Some of you have asked about hard copies of my greatest hits. Well, my good friends at Yahoo will sell them to you if you click "Buy Photo" when viewing a picture that you like. To do this, however, you have to sign up for a Yahoo account which will then let you buy photos effortlessly (but not costlessly).
Saturday, February 02, 2002
Letter from Grandmother
I received this nice letter from my grandmother (nain, in Welsh). I liked it so much I thought I'd share it with you.
_______
Welcome home, Aidan!
It's a whole new world outside Lucile Packard! When you decide to travel east, I've got your crib all ready for you!
Gave your Grandma Timek a few pictures of you and your parents from your early days. She's so happy you are able to go home. Also saw your Uncle Jack! Your great-aunt Maxine stopped by this afternoon, and she too is delighted that you are home.
Remember, Aidan, those people taking care of you are your parents. That means that they have to do everything you want them to do. I think they are quick learners, so they will be easy to train.
Love,
Nain
I received this nice letter from my grandmother (nain, in Welsh). I liked it so much I thought I'd share it with you.
_______
Welcome home, Aidan!
It's a whole new world outside Lucile Packard! When you decide to travel east, I've got your crib all ready for you!
Gave your Grandma Timek a few pictures of you and your parents from your early days. She's so happy you are able to go home. Also saw your Uncle Jack! Your great-aunt Maxine stopped by this afternoon, and she too is delighted that you are home.
Remember, Aidan, those people taking care of you are your parents. That means that they have to do everything you want them to do. I think they are quick learners, so they will be easy to train.
Love,
Nain
Memories
I've uploaded images in the photo section of my website of three items in my memory box. One is a sign that was made by the hospital when I was first born. Notice how intially I only had a last name, Morgan. After a few days, my parents came up with my first name, Aidan. The second item is a sign my Daddy made for me when I was in the NICU. The lettering is uncial, designed to invoke my Celtic roots. Finally, I've also scanned my ankle bracelet.
I've uploaded images in the photo section of my website of three items in my memory box. One is a sign that was made by the hospital when I was first born. Notice how intially I only had a last name, Morgan. After a few days, my parents came up with my first name, Aidan. The second item is a sign my Daddy made for me when I was in the NICU. The lettering is uncial, designed to invoke my Celtic roots. Finally, I've also scanned my ankle bracelet.
Friday, February 01, 2002
Signs and seasons
Another day filled with firsts for me. This was my first full day living with my parents. So far, everything seems to be going well. I still get along with them and they seem deliriously happy to have me around. It was also my first trip outside in daylight. I got to soak up the California sunshine in my Mommy's arms on the porch. One thing I noticed immediately, the sun is bright. I mostly kept my eyes shut while outside.
I also started more actively participating in my own feeding. During my 8pm bottle, I decided to take matters into my own hands -- literally -- I grabbed the bottle as it was in my mouth and used my own hands to keep it in a good position for me. This was a great achievement.
Looking over my Daddy reading the paper this morning, I noticed something called a horoscope. While my parents assure me this is all pseudoscience, I did take a few moments to look up my horoscope based on my birthdate and location. Here's what came up:
FREE Astro Profile
Name: Aidan
Date of Birth: December 30, 2001
Time of Birth: 03:52 PM
Birth Place: Stanford, Santa Clara, California, United States
Sun Sign: Capricorn
Practical Capricorn, the tenth sign of the zodiac, represents discipline, ambition, and rationality, making you the most determined and persistent sign of the zodiac, Aidan. Since you have such an unshakable faith in your own power, you have an extreme capacity for hard work and endurance.
Saturn, the planet of challenges and restrictions, is the ruler of Capricorn. Saturn is sometimes associated with bad luck; however, without the obstacles of Saturn we would never grow and evolve any further, which makes this planet the one that makes us tough, because it teaches us to develop patience and staying power.
Aidan, Capricorn is the third earth sign, which means you know that you can't live on inspiration alone, and therefore, you have become a down-to-earth realist, and are willing to take care of the daily chores. For that reason, stability and consistency are very important to you.
You, Capricorn, rule the tenth house of the horoscope, a sector associated with career, social standing, and personal aspirations. Furthermore, this house describes your ambitions and goals in life, as well as your public image and your reputation in your social circles.
Capricorn is a cardinal sign, meaning that you don't wait for others to take action - you charge right in making full use of your qualities of pragmatism, efficiency, and diligence.
You have many strengths, dear Capricorn, because with diligence and patience you work to reach the high goals you have set for yourself. Your calm, diplomatic, and pragmatic approach is admirable. On top of that, once you commit to something, you feel responsible and accountable for what you do, which makes you such a trustworthy and loyal person.
However, you have also weaknesses, Aidan. Sometimes, you can get very pessimistic and skeptical. You don't always have the flexibility to make a quick change in plans if something doesn't work. You are also known for being calculating and despotic at times, as well as cold and indifferent.
Rising Sign: Gemini
You are an original and creative thinker, Gemini Rising, and tend to dominate your circles intellectually. With the elegance of a dancer, you swing back and forth from one idea to another, with wit and eloquence. You also have the power to visualize your ideas, and express them scientifically. Since you identify yourself with your ideas, Aidan, your most dynamic form of expression is intellectual.
You are sprightly and versatile, and usually end up being the life of every party. Mostly it is you, who gets up on the table and entertains everyone with an improvised one-man show. You feel most alive if you have an audience, are the center of attention, and get an immediate reaction to your mental and verbal output.
If people don't laugh at your jokes, you lose your precious lively energy. In spite of your bubbly and cheerful personality, you can be quite sensitive, Aidan, and it doesn't take a lot to upset you. However, for others, it would take a great deal of perceptiveness and persistence to get down to your real feelings. It seems that you are perpetually wearing a mask hiding who you really are. Only in rare cases others are allowed to see the real you behind the mask, and that means a lot!
You don't open your heart to others easily, and if you happen to declare your love to someone, you might make a joke out of it, or switch the subject as soon as possible. You are a very cultivated person, Aidan, who has a lot of appreciation for beauty. Therefore, you enjoy developing your sensitivity in artistic domains. You could easily be a patron of the arts, a producer or an artist, a singer or a comedian, since you are such a cerebral person.
_____
This all sounds pretty good. It also take a lot of the guesswork out of having my parents figure out what my personality is going to be like. In my wanderings, I found a site that features horoscopes for star baseball players. Maybe one day I'll be sufficiently famous to merit such treatment.
Another first -- I got to meet Licorice, my parents guinea pig. Here is a collection of interesting guinea pig stuff I found on the web. Licorice seems very nice. She and I sometimes make similar noises, though I can be much louder than her when I want to be.
Another day filled with firsts for me. This was my first full day living with my parents. So far, everything seems to be going well. I still get along with them and they seem deliriously happy to have me around. It was also my first trip outside in daylight. I got to soak up the California sunshine in my Mommy's arms on the porch. One thing I noticed immediately, the sun is bright. I mostly kept my eyes shut while outside.
I also started more actively participating in my own feeding. During my 8pm bottle, I decided to take matters into my own hands -- literally -- I grabbed the bottle as it was in my mouth and used my own hands to keep it in a good position for me. This was a great achievement.
Looking over my Daddy reading the paper this morning, I noticed something called a horoscope. While my parents assure me this is all pseudoscience, I did take a few moments to look up my horoscope based on my birthdate and location. Here's what came up:
FREE Astro Profile
Name: Aidan
Date of Birth: December 30, 2001
Time of Birth: 03:52 PM
Birth Place: Stanford, Santa Clara, California, United States
Sun Sign: Capricorn
Practical Capricorn, the tenth sign of the zodiac, represents discipline, ambition, and rationality, making you the most determined and persistent sign of the zodiac, Aidan. Since you have such an unshakable faith in your own power, you have an extreme capacity for hard work and endurance.
Saturn, the planet of challenges and restrictions, is the ruler of Capricorn. Saturn is sometimes associated with bad luck; however, without the obstacles of Saturn we would never grow and evolve any further, which makes this planet the one that makes us tough, because it teaches us to develop patience and staying power.
Aidan, Capricorn is the third earth sign, which means you know that you can't live on inspiration alone, and therefore, you have become a down-to-earth realist, and are willing to take care of the daily chores. For that reason, stability and consistency are very important to you.
You, Capricorn, rule the tenth house of the horoscope, a sector associated with career, social standing, and personal aspirations. Furthermore, this house describes your ambitions and goals in life, as well as your public image and your reputation in your social circles.
Capricorn is a cardinal sign, meaning that you don't wait for others to take action - you charge right in making full use of your qualities of pragmatism, efficiency, and diligence.
You have many strengths, dear Capricorn, because with diligence and patience you work to reach the high goals you have set for yourself. Your calm, diplomatic, and pragmatic approach is admirable. On top of that, once you commit to something, you feel responsible and accountable for what you do, which makes you such a trustworthy and loyal person.
However, you have also weaknesses, Aidan. Sometimes, you can get very pessimistic and skeptical. You don't always have the flexibility to make a quick change in plans if something doesn't work. You are also known for being calculating and despotic at times, as well as cold and indifferent.
Rising Sign: Gemini
You are an original and creative thinker, Gemini Rising, and tend to dominate your circles intellectually. With the elegance of a dancer, you swing back and forth from one idea to another, with wit and eloquence. You also have the power to visualize your ideas, and express them scientifically. Since you identify yourself with your ideas, Aidan, your most dynamic form of expression is intellectual.
You are sprightly and versatile, and usually end up being the life of every party. Mostly it is you, who gets up on the table and entertains everyone with an improvised one-man show. You feel most alive if you have an audience, are the center of attention, and get an immediate reaction to your mental and verbal output.
If people don't laugh at your jokes, you lose your precious lively energy. In spite of your bubbly and cheerful personality, you can be quite sensitive, Aidan, and it doesn't take a lot to upset you. However, for others, it would take a great deal of perceptiveness and persistence to get down to your real feelings. It seems that you are perpetually wearing a mask hiding who you really are. Only in rare cases others are allowed to see the real you behind the mask, and that means a lot!
You don't open your heart to others easily, and if you happen to declare your love to someone, you might make a joke out of it, or switch the subject as soon as possible. You are a very cultivated person, Aidan, who has a lot of appreciation for beauty. Therefore, you enjoy developing your sensitivity in artistic domains. You could easily be a patron of the arts, a producer or an artist, a singer or a comedian, since you are such a cerebral person.
_____
This all sounds pretty good. It also take a lot of the guesswork out of having my parents figure out what my personality is going to be like. In my wanderings, I found a site that features horoscopes for star baseball players. Maybe one day I'll be sufficiently famous to merit such treatment.
Another first -- I got to meet Licorice, my parents guinea pig. Here is a collection of interesting guinea pig stuff I found on the web. Licorice seems very nice. She and I sometimes make similar noises, though I can be much louder than her when I want to be.
Homecoming
Yesterday was the second biggest day of my life (behind the day I was born). I got to finally go home from the hospital yesterday! In honor of my homecoming, my Mommy and Daddy dressed me up to the nines in a "baa baa little sheep outfit." This outfit features delightfully many layers – undershirt, pullover, smoking jacket, shoes, socks, and two hats. It took about a half hour to get all these things on me. I like to help to get dressed myself by flailing my arms and legs as much as possible during the dressing process. This really seems to speed things along!
Once I was all dressed, I got to make a final tour of my world in the IICN. I said goodbye to everyone and thanked them for helping me to get big and strong. Then, I was strapped into a five point harness child carrier thingy to go home. Sometimes my parents are amazingly dumb. The harness system has two shoulder straps held together with a sternum clip. These straps then clip down to a central seat belt like thingy between my legs. At first, they tried to squeeze my head between the sternum thingy. I hated this idea. Happily, another mother, who actually understood these devices suggested that they undo the two shoulder straps, so I could much more easily fit inside.
I then got to go on my first car ride. I really liked it though I was unconscious for much of the trip. I got to experience the best of American consumer culture on my first outing. We went to Blockbuster™ to pick up movies, then we went to Carl’s Jr.™ for some tasty burgers. Finally, we topped the evening off with a trip to Albertson’s™ for some champagne to celebrate my homecoming. After all this breast milk, it sure was nice to tip back a glass of Asti!
After this, I got down to the business of living. I eat about once every four hours – 8:30, 12:30, 4:30, and so on. My Daddy drew the short straw and was on the 4:30AM shift. I decided to get him going a little early, at 3:50AM, since I was feeling really hungry. I sucked down my standard feeding in a short time, but was not nearly ready for bed. After fussing around and eventually requiring my Mommy to come to the rescue, I managed to down close to another full meal by 5AM. After so much food, I was pretty much sated, so I went to bed.
Well, that’s about it so far. It’s neat to be home!
Yesterday was the second biggest day of my life (behind the day I was born). I got to finally go home from the hospital yesterday! In honor of my homecoming, my Mommy and Daddy dressed me up to the nines in a "baa baa little sheep outfit." This outfit features delightfully many layers – undershirt, pullover, smoking jacket, shoes, socks, and two hats. It took about a half hour to get all these things on me. I like to help to get dressed myself by flailing my arms and legs as much as possible during the dressing process. This really seems to speed things along!
Once I was all dressed, I got to make a final tour of my world in the IICN. I said goodbye to everyone and thanked them for helping me to get big and strong. Then, I was strapped into a five point harness child carrier thingy to go home. Sometimes my parents are amazingly dumb. The harness system has two shoulder straps held together with a sternum clip. These straps then clip down to a central seat belt like thingy between my legs. At first, they tried to squeeze my head between the sternum thingy. I hated this idea. Happily, another mother, who actually understood these devices suggested that they undo the two shoulder straps, so I could much more easily fit inside.
I then got to go on my first car ride. I really liked it though I was unconscious for much of the trip. I got to experience the best of American consumer culture on my first outing. We went to Blockbuster™ to pick up movies, then we went to Carl’s Jr.™ for some tasty burgers. Finally, we topped the evening off with a trip to Albertson’s™ for some champagne to celebrate my homecoming. After all this breast milk, it sure was nice to tip back a glass of Asti!
After this, I got down to the business of living. I eat about once every four hours – 8:30, 12:30, 4:30, and so on. My Daddy drew the short straw and was on the 4:30AM shift. I decided to get him going a little early, at 3:50AM, since I was feeling really hungry. I sucked down my standard feeding in a short time, but was not nearly ready for bed. After fussing around and eventually requiring my Mommy to come to the rescue, I managed to down close to another full meal by 5AM. After so much food, I was pretty much sated, so I went to bed.
Well, that’s about it so far. It’s neat to be home!
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